17 January 2008

West Virginia: Get a Life!

(From BCS Guru)

Dear West Virginia University:

I understand how painful it is to lose someone you love, to somebody better. But that's life. It's really unhealthy for you to continue to act like this: part unhinged lunatic, part conniving slimebag.

So my advice to you is: Stop it!

Is it really necessary for you to keep smearing the good name of Rich Rodriguez? After what he's done for you over the past seven years? Before he arrived, your school is as well known as Trinity College and University (and probably just as prestigious). Now the football program is a powerhouse; and by extension, people are beginning to know where you're located -- even Miss Teen South Carolina can find Morgantown on a map!

I know you're bitter and angry. But please, think about this for a second. Can you really blame him?

The University of Michigan is one of the finest research universities in the world. We produce statesmen, Nobel laureates, scientists, poets, playwrights, astronauts and Tom Brady. West Virginia University, has, well, Barney Fife.

Rodriguez is actually one of your very distinguished alumnus. He's one of your own. Someday he'll retire. And wouldn't you want to brag that he's a favorite son who's done good away from home?

But no, you must destroy him like a jilted lover. OK, so you sue him pre-emptively for fear of him skipping out on that $4 million buyout. It's very small-minded and small-time. But fine, have it your way.

That wasn't enough, though. You have to drag his name through mud. And of course, you can count on Pravda, uh, Charleston Daily Mail, to serve as your mouthpiece.

First, it was that he destroyed ALL the files on all the players. Gosh, at first we were pretty panicked because we didn't know if y'all actually had computers there. But after thinking it over, this was beyond absurd. He got rid of all the junk paperwork left in his old office. This is news?

Then, it was that he MADE PHONE CALLS! From YOUR PHONE! And you tried to insinuate that this was an NCAA violation! If you have a compliance office down there (no sure thing, but we'll give you the benefit of the doubt), you'll know that phone calls are allowed during "dead periods." And if those three calls costs you $1.25, I'll mail you a check. The one with the big Block M on the envelope. It's in the mail.

What am I gonna read in the Daily Mail tomorrow? Rodriguez took two rolls of toilet paper from his bathroom? Paper clips? Post-Its?

The way this is going, you'd better hope that Bill Stewart will stay forever. Because when he goes 4-8 his third season and you want to get rid of him, the good prospects out there will be hesitant. They'll remember how you did Rodriguez and probably want to stay away from the hillbillies with pitchforks.

I know, you're also mad at us and try to get even. I know, we already took your basketball coach and you're tired of being bitch-slapped again. This is your juvenile attempt to make us look bad because you're upset.

But that's life. Life is about a lot of things, one of them is knowing your place. All of us aspire to be great. But only some of us are important and special. Some of us end up meter maids. Sometimes you just have to accept that you're Michigan State. It sucks, but deal with it.

In closing, I just want to offer you this -- we won't take any more of your coaches, if you leave our coach alone.

Sorry to be so condescending. We can't help it. We are Michigan. You're not.


Mary Sue Coleman
University of Michigan


Qtip said...

Do you have 4 million dollars? All WVU is asking is that Rich honor his end of the contract. Whatever issues he may have had with WVU, West Virginia, or our AD, he never submitted any complaints about WVU not holding up its end of the bargain (as specified in the contract) and thus is still in breach.

Michigan can have him. They can have the big game chokes, the false accusations of people threatening his family (surprising that nobody notified the authorities of these threats, even to establish some kind of record of their exhistance), the mistresses, the flirting with other jobs for leverage, and the pleasure of firing him after he fails to establish Calvin Magee's offense without an elusive signal caller at the helm. WVU and WVU fans want him to pay up, appologies are worth about as much as Rich's reputation...zilch.

Anonymous said...

"Sometimes you just have to accept that you're Michigan State. It sucks, but deal with it."

I'm confused here. Why would the president of one state-supported University say that another state-supported school, from the same state, which plays within the same conference, and is provided for the same people, say the other school sucks? They have the same boss, the Governor and tax-payers.

"We produce statesmen, Nobel laureates, scientists, poets, playwrights, astronauts and Tom Brady. West Virginia University, has, well, Barney Fife."
Michigan may produce whatever you want, WVU educates and prepares her students for the future, no matter the discipline of their choosing.

As far as I can tell, that's what education is all about, preparation for the future.

This president seems to be crying because West Virginians will defend themselves, others, and their ideals. Guess what, go fuck youself, most of us will not back down if we know we're right. If this President were truly concerned, she would not have written this article and perpetuating the situation. Have I stated any facts? No. Have many of my compatriots stated much beyond Rodriguez honoring his contract, which covered him for 100 days before he broke it, thus triggering the $4M buy-out?

In this day and age of rapid communication, if the same thing would happen to UM, the outcry would be multiplied by 7, as that is the population disparity. We here in West Virginia have a voice, if you don't want to listen to it, then ignore it; don't, as a president of a University, turn into a bigot one-tune journalist that's stuck in 1960.

Anonymous said...

What an excellent expose. Very well put madam president. It's obvious that Rich Rod has found an institution with just as much class as he has. You should all get along very well.

But we still want our $4mil.

Anonymous said...

We wish Dick Rod nothing but the best.

Appalachian State 34
Michigan 32

Anonymous said...

If Michigan is sooo good, then pay up. that is all we want. $4,000,000.. he owes it to us, he's breaking his contract. Simple solution.

Anonymous said...

Uh "better then you", Hum let me think for a min..... by looking at your current BCS track recored I would have to say you suck major balls. If you like losing to your biggest rival when all the chips are on the table, and from looking at things you do, then I have a treat for you. This guy will not only lose to your biggest rival when the chips are all in but he will do it when your rival is holding a hand of nothing. You can have the sob we just want our money. Richard Rod and Mike Moore living in the same state. You had better get some tall boots.

Anonymous said...

"Why would the president of one state-supported University...... say the other school sucks?"

"Very well put madam president."

You chuckleheads do realize that the letter was written by BCS Guru as satire, right?

Anonymous said...

I can't believe you people think this is a real letter. It's called "satire." Man, you guys should read the Onion, it has all the current news!

Anonymous said...

The most incredible thing about the Michigan and RR saga is that the lynch pin was Appalachian State's Victory over the most storied college football program in history.
Assuming RR gets the bugs worked out of his deals and does in fact coach in the Big Ten, the entire league will also have to adjust.

Anonymous said...

If your husband fucked some nasty skank whore in front of your face, you would go for his balls Mrs. Coleman.

The same situation applies here. RR left to go to a has been and WVU wants its shit so the break up can been over with. If he would be a man of tru character and pay the money he owes by contract (i.e. law) than everything would be done and over.

As for Belein. You can have him. Some how 4-9 can not be a bragging point for you.

Oh yeah, apparently people in Michigan don't have history class up there. If you did you would know of plenty of people that have came from the state of West virginia. I would list them, but since you dont know any history there would be no point.

Anonymous said...

While I dont believe that this message is from the president of MU I do believe that Richie-Rich does owe WVU $4 mill. All of the battling back and forth will get us no where. When someone comes in to your house and steals $4mill, you just call the cops and let the system go after them. Michigan can have him. Just put the check in the mail, before he finds another job to run off to. Good Luck Michigan with your new coach and oh yeah


TrueBlue said...

That's UM, you hairless nut! The $4 million is only an issue because WVU made it so. On the contract there was a deadline for Rodriguez to pay his buyout, but WVU decided to sue him ahead of time to make it big news.

If I were you, I'd be afraid, be very afraid. Because your Buckeyes are about to start an annual beatdown, SEC-style!

Anonymous said...

Good luck against OSU...you're sooooo going to need it bitch.

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