17 October 2007

Wiesy Does It

Dear Tournament Director:

I am writing to request a sponsor's exemption into your 2008 tournament. I am an accomplished golfer and my records speak for themselves.

In 2007, I played in eight LPGA tournaments for a total of 21 rounds. I quit in two of them for dubious reasons, but as ever helpful, I have pro-rated my scores for those two rounds to give you a more complete picture. So here it is:

My stroke average in those 21 rounds was 77.38. I shot 79 or worse in 10 of them, and failed to break 80 six times. In the seven tournaments where there were 36-hole cuts, I missed the cut three times and quit two more. I did manage to finish 84th (last) and tied for 69th (3rd from last) in the two events that I made the cut. If you looked at the leaderboard from the bottom, my year went like this: WD-1-WD-T3-CUT-CUT-CUT-2. Outstanding!

In the Ginn Tribute hosted by I Don't Have to Apologize to Annika, I quit after 16 holes after piling up a 78. I would've shot 88 or worse, thus causing me to be banned from the LPGA for the rest of the year, and I would've been last in the field, behind 15-year-old MacKinzie Kline.

I did it again at the U.S. Women's Open. For fear of finishing behind 12-year-old Alexis Thompson, I withdrew after shooting a 42 on my first nine in the second round. I was not going to make the cut anyway after an 82 on the first day.

Of the 41 LPGA tournaments I entered, I won zero, including 0-for-17 as a pro. Because of my ability to dominate the women's tour, I was invited to play in a number of men's events. I have played in 13 of them and made one cut, in Korea, for an Asian Tour tournament. And I'm 0-for-7 in PGA Tour events.

In my last five events against men, I quit (after 27 holes and 10 shots out of the cut); finished dead last (13 over the cut); dead last (14 over cut); last among pros and second from last (17 over cut); and 3rd from last (14 over cut). If you flipped the leaderboard upside down again, it looked like this: WD-1-1-2-T3. No wonder people think I'm the second coming of Tiger Woods!

In my last 35 rounds, I broke par twice. In my last 11 events, I made two cuts. I have not broken 70 in a year and a half; and my best rounds in 2007 were a pair of one-under 71s.

In my long and distinguished career, I did win one national tournament -- the 2003 U.S. Women's Public Links Championship. Since then, I have won nothing, zilch, nada, zippo, goose egg.

And now I have turned 18. Other girls my age have won a major (Morgan Pressel), rookie of the year (Angela Park) and multiple tournaments (Paula Creamer). But I'm the one who has a $10 million endorsement deal with Nike and Sony. Never mind that my 2007 earnings of $23,024 would've placed me 141st on the LPGA money list.

So how about it? How could you possibly turn me down? I've fired five caddies and two agents have left me over the last two years. And I don't really like to fraternize with the people who pay big money to play in the Pro-Am. And of course, I have no intention of ever trying to earn anything, let along going through Q-school to get my LPGA card.

Not if suckers like you keep giving me exemptions.


Sincerely,

Michelle Wie

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Other girls my age have won a major (Morgan Pressel), rookie of the year (Angela Park) and multiple tournaments (Paula Creamer)."

Yes, and yet who would YOU want in your PGA Tour event? I had this conversation with Drew and another writer this year. They were under some strange impression that tournament directors think she's damaged goods. Having spoken with a tournament director and other officials, I explained to drew that if one tournament director had the chance to get Wie and all he had to do was sell his wife and kids and murder the two other tournament directors standing in his way, he would just ask where he needed to sign up.

Your blog makes an interesting argument that is well supported by stats, but the premise of writing to a tourney director is flawed because in reality the guy would see the name at the bottom and not even read the letter, which could be full of slurs against him and his family and be advocating satanic worship. he would have dialed william morris before the letter hit the the floor. you make the same mistake as drew and other golf writers -- you're looking at wie's situation through the wrong prism, the prism of idealism and sanctity in sports. the people who sign the checks don't care about winners. all they care about is who moves the needle. if it's tiger, annika, michelle, a goat, a pig or a wooden puppet, they don't care. they look at it as money and entertainment, which is why they have all that advertising and interactive crap at sporting events. if high-minded sports writers ran events there'd be a couple of folding chairs, one drinking fountain, no food and bart bryant as the champion every week.

another way to look at the michelle wie story is to look at her courage. while only 17 she went through a bad slump but kept playing -- even against men. divorce yourself from prejudice against her parents (can a 17 year old korean girl really be expected to have full say in what she's doing?) and think about that. would you have the courage to keep competing? it's easy to look good, keep your poise and be consistent when you're always winning, but to do that when you're down isn't easy.

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